WASHINGTON, D.C. Combining two of his passions--beach volleyball and politics--former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich today announced that he will launch a professional league for the fast-growing sport in Iraq following the advent of American-style elections in that war-torn country.
"They've got sand coming out the wazoo over there," said Gingrich at a news conference to announce the league's formation. "We won't have to spend a lot of money on groundskeeping--just buy a couple of rakes."
Gingrich caused a stir when, at the Republican National Convention in 1996, he launched into a misty-eyed tribute to beach volleyball as a characteristic product of American values. "Forty years ago beach volleyball was just beginning," Gingrich said at the time in a departure from his prepared text. "No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about."
Gingrich's remarks were ridiculed at the time as the product of a mind frazzled by the partisan battles he had fought as the leader of the Republican Revolution of 1994 and the principal author of its "Contract With America". He withdrew from public life in 1998.
Gingrich plans a 10-team league with franchises in major cities such as Baghdad, Kirkuk and Samarra, and playoffs that will include "wild card" slots, which Gingrich also hailed as a product of the American genius. "Now that the people of Iraq have tasted freedom," Gingrich said, "they will embrace the wild card format."
Asked whether the scantily-clad females that have propelled beach volleyball to top TV ratings during U.S. winters would be a tough sell in a Muslim nation where women must be clothed from head to toe, Gingrich laughed. "You've got to be kidding," he replied. "Next thing you'll tell me is the guys in the stands won't want cold beer."
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
