TORONTO. The two professional rock-paper-scissors leagues today announced that they have ended their rivalry and will merge in the biggest sports combination since the American and National Football Leagues joined forces in 1970.
U.S.A. Rock Paper Scissors League, headquartered in Hollywood, will become a part of the World RPS Society, based in Toronto, beginning with the 2007 season.
"Rock-paper-scissors has become a truly international sport," USARPS Commissioner Garrett Thune said in a conference call with sports reporters. "American kids are too busy with their video games--we need to access markets where children still get excited about playing with mud and chickens."
Industry sources say a possible NFL work stoppage in 2008 is fueling increased interest in rock-paper-scissors by television networks. "We believe RPS is the break-out sport that could replace pro football in the hearts of American viewers," said Gavin McCartney of Fox Sports Net, which broadcast the World RPS Society's 2004 championship. "It's like a Star Trek convention on steriods."
Rock-paper-scissors is an age-old children's game in which two players count from three down to one and then display one of three hand formations--a fist for a rock, a flat hand for paper or a two-fingered imitation of a pair of scissors. A rock "breaks" scissors, scissors "cuts" paper, and paper "covers" a rock, so that each option can prevail over another or be bested by the third.
The combined league headquarters will be located in Keokuk, Iowa, and will feature an RPS Hall of Fame with interactive exhibits detailing the heroes, highlights and history of the childhood game. When a reporter asked "Why Keokuk?" Thune replied that it was halfway between Toronto and Hollywood. Another reporter challenged that assertion, saying that the midpoint between the two cities was actually somewhere in southwest Nebraska.
"No it's not," Thune explained. "You're just a big doody-head."
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
